Teenage Love
The first love of a teenager is often compared to a natural disaster because it comes unexpectedly to all. A wave of new, previously unknown emotions and feelings, covers the teenager with his head, captures the whole, pushing aside his studies, previous hobbies, loved ones.
Adults also have difficult feelings: fear, as if their “unwise child” has not made fatal mistakes, anxiety for the future, and even jealousy: with whom is their child disappearing all evening, and speaks for hours on the phone, locked in his room.
This article will help parents of boys and girls in love to realize their worries, accept the situation as a natural occurrence and help children have an invaluable experience of their first love.
First love: teens are euphoric; parents are shocked. Why?
As an adolescent psychologist, I know that the first love of their grown children is felt by parents as a serious problem. This is because:
- Adults have had time to forget their adolescent experiences, so they can’t understand what’s going on with their son or daughter.
- Mothers and fathers often unconsciously perceive their child only as an “extension of themselves,” imposing their way of thinking on the child, trying to implement through him his unfulfilled dreams.
- In adolescence comes into full force the eternal “conflict of generations”, which prevents adults from looking at the world through the eyes of their grown children.
- Many parents have not experienced this kind of fascination at this age, respectively, and do not even know the “symptoms” that should manifest.
- Misunderstandings often arise because of different characters, attitudes, and certain outlooks on life.
Memo for parents: 3 “can not” and 3 “must” in communication with a teenager in love As an adolescent psychologist and as a mother, I understand your worries and doubts and offer to follow clear and specific recommendations that, firstly, will help your children to experience their love as a vivid and meaningful experience for their future life. And secondly, to understand and understand your own attitude towards such a “problem”, to establish a soul and spiritual contact with your, so unexpectedly grown up, child.
So, three “nots”
- You can’t regard your daughter’s first teenage love as something frivolous. And twice, you can’t show your daughter or son that he or she is still young and therefore his or her feelings are fleeting and unimportant;
- It is unacceptable to speak disparagingly about your child’s chosen one(s), no matter what you yourself think about him or her;
- You should not forbid young people to mingle, except in cases of clearly antisocial behavior of your chosen one.
Necessary
- Accept as a given that children are born, grow up and develop exactly in order to mature, love and experience love in all its manifestations. So openly and without prudery discuss with teenager issues of physical development, sex and love. It will be correct if mom will talk frankly “adult” topics with his daughter, and dad – with his son.
- So that the conversations don’t turn into lectures, take it easy that the teenager has secrets from you and don’t be frightened by it. Understand that young people in love are not yet able to understand their feelings, and describe them in words. And with parents to share is especially difficult, because teenagers are afraid that you do not take their feelings seriously, increase control and impose new prohibitions. So avoid intrusive questions. You can discreetly recommend counseling teenager online psychologist, because with a stranger is much easier to share the most intimate. In addition, a professional will be able to help the person in love to understand his feelings.
- Give your children advice not in the form of ultimatums, but in the form of recommendations, and be sure to explain why you feel this way or that way. Then the teenager won’t feel a sense of protest, he will remember your words and possibly listen to them. You can help your son or daughter to have his or her own experiences, and through those experiences to become aware of what he or she does, what his or her goals and desires are. And that means becoming a mature, independent and strong person. I love her. She loves him. And he seems to like someone else. Or the geometry of teenage love.
Love triangles and even more complicated figures often arise in teenage romantic relationships. If your daughter or son is involved in a “polygonal” relationship, it complicates an already difficult situation. The young person in love is influenced by strong, often conflicting feelings. To you, dear moms and dads, unfortunately, it is also not easy to understand what is going on, especially not having enough information. An experienced adolescent psychologist can help you objectively and impartially understand the twists and turns associated with first love. This is especially necessary if your children are experiencing “unrequited” love. In any case, listen carefully to your children, try to understand them, try to feel how not easy it is to live in their “complicated” age, how vulnerable and tender they are, even though they sometimes behave quite aggressively.
Love your children! And let them know that it is necessary and useful to trust parents!
