Psychology is sprouting into our everyday life. In any case, people are no longer embarrassed to admit that they go to a psychologist, and one need not fear that working with a psychotherapist will be a signal to others that you are not normal. We get used to the understanding that the inner world sometimes requires professional attention, or even care, as it discreetly affects our behavior.
And since psychology makes the connection between the hidden inner and the conscious, we hope to get some kind of power to fix what’s wrong with us there. Then we start thinking that psychology is able to get us success and more money, love and popularity, status and attitude of others, in a word, all the good things in life. Because for many people it’s kind of like magic-something mysterious and affecting everything. Would you say it doesn’t?
As in every joke there is a bit of a joke, so here – there is some truth in it. But if you’re not judicious, you can get into serious trouble.
We are talking about ideas that can severely damage, if not destroy, our happiness. You don’t believe me? Ha! How about ideas about “real womanhood/masculinity” or most of the jokes about sexuality and relationships? “A real woman/real man always/never…” – where do they go, these real ones? Who’s seen them? Probably hanging out somewhere together, because that’s not how a normal family is for some reason…
It’s dangerous when, after a psychological lecture or work, we suddenly realize how unlucky we are with our partner: “He’s not manly at all / she’s too strong! Doesn’t inspire me properly, that’s why there’s no money! …”
What’s wrong with that? It’s that we stop paying attention to reality. Personal experience is devalued to zero. After all, we met and loved the man as he was. He hasn’t changed. He is the same person. Why is he suddenly no longer the same to us? What happened?
We found someone else’s idea of how things should be, and we hit our normal relationships with it. And why? Because it clings to the “sick” thing, but we don’t realize it.
Of course, over time, relationships are bound to exacerbate some problems in a couple. To cope with them will require awareness, inner work – first of all, in oneself, with oneself. This work may take a long time, because often it is necessary to mature, to become wiser, to gain experience. When we talk about a particular family of a particular couple in which everyone has his own history and his own traumas, where a man and a woman met for a reason and need each other for personal growth, you cannot lose touch with reality for the sake of an idea, no matter how beautiful it is.
You can’t demand from your partner to be or to be like that. You don’t have to categorize him or her! The best thing we can do is learn to be real and love each other without demands. And this is about the soul. And psychology is exactly about the soul, if anything)) not about success, not about status or money, not about superhuman, not about ideal.
Don’t be afraid if psychology makes you feel sad or confused. Don’t be afraid to feel like you’ve hit a dead end. Don’t be afraid to cry, to be angry, to doubt. Don’t be afraid if you no longer know what to do with yourself, your relationships, or your life. It’s a good thing, it can be the beginning of important changes, desired transformations.
Fear if from psychology you suddenly understand absolutely everything about others, see through them now. Fear if you have the answer to everything. Fear if you have “outgrown” your partner, now he / she interfere with your development. Fear if you desperately need a new level, you know exactly how to live, if only these stupid people around you wouldn’t get in the way…
This is a dangerous illusion, indicating that very soon you may lose everything that you valued and relied on: family, love, respect and your own common sense, which you should never turn off.
From adequate psychological work, you will learn responsibility and honesty. After all, everything in your life (relationships too!) is the result of what you did, thought and felt. If you really change, you feel deeper about yourself and others, and your understanding comes from the heart.
Most people dream of a relationship where we are loved just because it’s us, not someone perfect. That means it’s me that matters, not my function. So don’t believe in “instructions” to all women and men, because manipulation will not give you love. You will find it yourself, and it will be real.
